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So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed.

In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers.

In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us:

1. Separation – from the family
2. Autonomy – taking control of their own lives and decisions.
3. Individuation – defining themselves and their unique identity.
4. Assimilation – learning to fit in as a member of their society.

And the six common thinking traps parents fall into.

Overgeneralising – we reach a negative conclusion based on just one incident.
Catastrophic thinking – tends to involve worrying way into the future. Parents especially prone to this thinking trap when we identify additional factors which seem to add weight to our catastrophic thoughts.
Should/Shouldn’t – usually happens when our expectations are not met. My teen should know better by now, they’re x years old, they should be able to remember simple instructions.
Mind reading – we assume we know what’s going on in our teen’s mind without asking them.
Comparisonitis – If your teen is truly struggling with their self-esteem or mental health, even simple everday event like turning up to watch a sports match knowing that theyour tene is at home because they can’t face it can set off heart-breaking comparisons.
It’s all about me! – we want our efforts to be recognised and appreciated, which when it comes to teens, is a bit of a problem. Teens are deeply self-absorbed and trying to separate from you to become independent.

We explored how we parents can better manage ourselves - and our own expectations - so that we can build emotionally supportive connections with our teens which will encourage them to come out of their room.

Anita highlights the significance of phones and gaming in teenagers' lives, suggesting strategies to manage screen time and maintain positive relationships.

We also addressed the importance of recognizing that bad behaviour can be hiding low moods. What to look for and how to provide a supportive environment.

ANITA CLEARE:

https://anitacleare.co.uk/

BOOK:

How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita Cleare

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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

How to get your teenager out of their bedroom - even one who's into gaming. 137

Parenting Teens Untangled - Realistic, science-backed teen & tween parenting advice