BONUS | M. Gessen on "The Opinions"

Maintaining a relationship with an incarcerated parent is vital for a child’s emotional development, as it counters the trauma of abandonment and prevents the absent parent from becoming a damaging "black hole" in the child's life. Harriet Clark, who grew up with both parents incarcerated, argues that families should prioritize connection over the carceral logic of total removal and disappearance. While acknowledging the difficulty of navigating harm and manipulation, Clark emphasizes that collective support systems can help children feel loved and respected despite their parent's actions. This approach challenges the ultimatum of demanding immediate truth or accountability, suggesting instead that long-term repair requires sustained engagement. By fostering an environment where children can maintain a relationship with their parent, families help mitigate the shame and stigma associated with incarceration, ultimately supporting the child's sense of self-worth and long-term stability.