Plus: combatting loneliness, turning down the volume on social comparison, and why mattering to a few people beats outperforming everyone.

Gordon Flett is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at York University where he has served as the Director of the LaMarsh Centre for Child and Youth Research. Dr. Flett is most known for his influential research on perfectionism in health and mental health and his more recent work on the psychology of mattering.

In this episode we talk about:

The difference between perfectionism and healthy striving
How perfectionism functions as a coping mechanism for unmet needs for love, belonging, and significance
What "mattering" actually means
Antimattering (and our fear of not mattering)
Why feeling like you matter to others can loosen the grip of perfectionism
Why people consistently underestimate how much they matter to others
Practical ways to help others feel like they matter
Why helping others feel like they matter boomerangs back and boosts your own sense of significance
The fear of not mattering in the age of AI

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Additional Resources:

Gordon's books: The Psychology of Mattering, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents, and Perfectionism: Theory, Research, and Treatment

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Perfectionism, Burnout, and Self-Doubt: Break the Loop with the Science of Mattering | Gordon Flett

10% Happier with Dan Harris

Perfectionism, Burnout, and Self-Doubt: Break the Loop with the Science of Mattering | Gordon Flett