30 Years of Marriage: 3 Things About Relationships I Wish Someone Told Me Sooner

Thirty years of marriage requires navigating significant life transitions, financial struggles, and personal growth while maintaining a deep, lasting connection. Relationships thrive when partners adopt the mindset that their spouse is their "favorite person," using this as a lifeline during periods of stress. Conflict often stems from "normal marital hatred," where partners trigger each other's childhood wounds or "unfinished business." Softening toward the vulnerable, younger version of a partner—rather than reacting to their adult behavior—reduces resentment and fosters empathy. Sustaining intimacy requires intentional, simple rituals, such as leaving handwritten notes, conducting weekly calendar check-ins, and prioritizing shared experiences. These practices prevent the isolation that often leads to disconnection, reinforcing the relationship as a shared, evolving project that demands active, ongoing attention and mutual support to endure over decades.